Taking responsibility personally to shift the collective consciousness
I feel the call to address the issue at the moment of Toxic Masculinity in the wake of a number of instances of violence and assault against women, perpetrated by men in positions of power. These are the reflection of the prevailing relationship in our culture and society that exists between men and women and which has existed for a long, long time. We are having a good hard look in the mirror. Apart from the violation of rights, what saddens me are the responses of the people in a position to address the issues and push for change, to be leading champions for implementing action that can address these issues.
They actually seem clueless as to how to respond, there does not seem to be any empathy or understanding of the massive injustice going on here, this is as obvious as it gets that the problem is woven deep into our prevailing modus operandum, they are incapable of leading the change that needs to happen. Expecting anything more is wishful thinking at best, so the change comes from within every person moved by these issues, each of us taking responsibility for our attitudes and conversations, our actions and behaviours, we see it and know when it is wrong, but a lot of the time the response is to ignore and stay quiet. I know I have been a contributor to this culture because I have witnessed situations where disrespect and harm has been caused by one person to another and I have said or done nothing to address this.
In this, we are all complicit unless we take action and call out the issue. This starts in the home and work place, every son and daughter are watching their parents, every niece and nephew watching their relatives, every young boy and girl is watching the friends of their parents and relatives, to understand how it is in our culture, what are the norms of communication and relating. This is the first point of reference for behaviours and actions so every action we take is relevant no matter how small it may seem, the offhand comment, the playful attitude that isn’t so playful to someone but which is passed off as OK.
Yes, it is a culture that is ingrained and will take some shifting, it can happen more quickly if we take responsibility for our own happiness and self-love. By this I mean, it is important to have a relationship with yourself that is about self-respect and love, what person other than someone that doesn’t have a good relationship with themselves would think it is Ok to treat someone else with such disrespect and carry out violent acts that have a devasting and lasting impact on the victim.
From the start of our lives and throughout, there are many reasons and experiences that contribute to how we see ourselves, what sort of relationship we have with ourselves, what the inner dialogue is that runs both consciously and unconsciously forever setting the platform for how we project this into the community, into our relationships with loved ones, our work colleagues and anyone we come in contact with.
If we want the outer experiences and ways of inter-relating to change, we need to change the inner dialogue. You are creating a constitutional dialogue from which all your experiences are based. A set of values, a code of conduct of how you want to be treated and you start with treating yourself this way first and then treating others the same way.
Sounds all wonderful and idealistic in words, the challenge is implementing this in our society and culture, but if we look at it as a culture affecting one, we can start there. Every action imbeds the story, there have been many actions of disrespect in our culture over the years that have imbedded the current situation, now the actions need to change, with the change of actions will come the change of attitudes and behaviours. It is happening, as more and more of these violations are called out the focus builds, the spotlight is on the behaviours, they are exposed which is painful to accept at first however it is a step in the direction to affecting the change.
Shining the light on the darkness anywhere, creates the opportunity to see what is there and change it. Shine the light on your own darkness see what is there and change it, what is the blackness that keeps you from expressing yourself with self-love. This takes a level of awareness and commitment to come to these realisations and to want to change them, as a society we are being numbed through many different avenues making this more difficult to cut through the thick layers of fog to get to the truth. Are you willing to change, are you willing to make a commitment for yourself and in doing this, for everyone else?