My Vision - Guide men on life changing journeys back home to their true selves

My Journey.

For as a long as I can remember I have been surrounded by men and boys throughout my life. As a young boy I grew up with 2 brothers, when I turned 12, I was introduced to a new brotherhood in the form of boarders at an all-boys boarding school, there were 70 in each year so a lot of new brethren as well as the teachers and clergy that were responsible for imparting their knowledge and wisdom on us.

By 18 I had spent 6 years in this environment and together with my formative years, I formed strong relationships with my fellow men and witnessed many different aspects of male bonding and behaviour. I saw the highs and lows of boys’ attitudes and expressions dealing with the challenges life presents to us.

Based on my experiences directly with the elders in the community and with other boys, I was forming opinions and attitudes about what it means to be a man in this world, and I have to say, I was confused, amused, bemused, inspired, delighted and revolted in varying degrees. And I was asking the question, “where do I go from here as a man” especially when the mantra of this education was about being men for others.

I went out into the world, engaging with men in the workforce in the intense field of real estate, a very competitive environment which again didn’t shine a great light on the behaviours of men however it did give me some more insights into how men behave under different conditions. I involved myself in sport, playing rugby and cricket at a high level, immersing myself in the joy of working as a team, side by side with your brother, relying on each other and being there for each other. This instinctual and physical aspect of men’s expression seemed to, more often than not, tap into the better qualities of men.

After a few years of working and playing after school, I had had enough of this environment and headed off for greener pastures, travelling over the other side of the country to see what I could find. I worked on sheep stations, land developments, mining sites while surfing my way around this amazing country for the next 2 years. I met some very interesting men along the way, in the towns and the cities, in the middle of nowhere, working the land or living in an old caravan in the sand dunes, escaping from society for whatever reason. There were men of conviction and purpose and there were men lost and alone. The message I was getting was that men were struggling to adapt and to know themselves in this changing world, and that was 30 years ago!!

There was a seed planted in me along this journey, and it had its essence in the desire to help and support men to express themselves fully and deeply, to know themselves and be themselves, to connect with a true purpose in life and the best place for me to start was to look at myself and find these things out.

I finished my travels, completed a university degree, commenced working and started a family. Within a short space of time, I was the father of 4 children, all boys!! So much masculine energy in my life and now with the responsibility to father these children to be men in this world, the pressure was on and I have never felt a more important role. I had stared down 120kg Kiwi rugby forwards, faced cricket balls aimed at my head, stood toe to toe with rabid real estate salesmen and paddled into massive surf breaking over razor-sharp reefs but none of those things was as scary for me as the challenge I had to guide these young innocent boys to be men expressing their true nature and purpose.

Now it was really time to get my shit together, and that seed that was planted 10 years beforehand was starting to grow, as well as being a role model for my boys, I wanted to work with men but felt I needed to really know myself first. I needed to be a better man!

I moved to Byron Bay, engaged in some powerful personal development programs, exposed my, up till now, unconscious beliefs that were driving my decisions and agendas and started making some changes based on what I was learning about myself. I started sharing what I was learning, coaching men in techniques to see hidden aspects of themselves, digging deep into what they would love to be, do and have in this world. I was inspired by this work but never gave it the full attention it deserved, I was running it more as a hobby alongside more traditional work and ways to make a living.

I joined men’s groups, participated in rites of passage programs for each of my sons, experienced weekend men’s workshops, ran workshops at these weekends for other men and then facilitated my own men’s groups. I was doing the work and loving it.

Then, my life took a nosedive, my marriage of 20 years ended, I lost everything in a business venture and the work with men that inspired me stopped. I was at the lowest point in my life, the end of my family unit felt like a death and was very hard to take. Not seeing my boys every day, kissing them goodnight and hugging them in the morning was devastating and I went through a period of deep sadness and depression.

But, the work with men kept calling me, even though I felt I wasn’t exactly a shining star or example of a successful man, I knew I had to share what I could with other men, what I learnt most powerfully through my own experience was the importance of support, being able to share and feel connected with other men. It was also apparent in all of the work and connections I had experienced over the years that there was such a strong need for men to get to a level of feeling and emotion, for us to be able to express ourselves on this level.

What I understood was that with this expression came change and growth. For some, it was subtle and over time, for others the moment they acknowledged their pain and dared to be vulnerable there was a palpable shift. It is such a relief and release when this happens and this has become the focus of the work I do with men now, to facilitate this process of diving deep into these spaces, to feel and express in whatever way works.

The way I conduct this work now is by sitting in the most powerful and potent of environments, nature. Away from the distractions of life, that is the noise and numbness that can prevail in that environment, allowing this immersion to be the foundation for sitting with men and sharing stories. There is laughter and play, sometimes sadness and tears, it is a place where men can just relax and feel comfortable to share and to listen to other men sharing.

It is not a dogmatic, structured approach or men’s circle gathering with rituals, what it is, is sitting around a fire, under the stars, sharing a meal, diving into amazing natural environments, relaxing and nurturing men’s hearts, minds and bodies. There is some information shared from my experiences over the years of what tools and techniques helped me and others to make empowered decisions. Also, there are tips on maintaining a healthy mind and body, some exercises to get the body moving and some powerful goal setting ideas. It’s camping with the lads with the added bonus of digging and diving deep as the trip unfolds and truly being of service to each other.

I, by no means, have everything “together” and I face my challenges each and every day, what I do have is a passion to support other men to tap into their potential, it has been there for me for as long as I can remember and I am grateful to be of service in this role.